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Posted by Warm Worm on February 17, 2008, 7:27 am
Don wrote:
>> Don wrote:
>>>> Michael Bulatovich wrote:
>>>>>> Michael Bulatovich wrote:
>>>>>>>> There's a building that I'm in love with. It's not perfect, but it
>>>>>>>> has character, and an uncommon beauty, whimsy and delight all its
>>>>>>>> own, and I see much of my own character in it as well-- although I'm
>>>>>>>> unsure if its architects would agree.
>>>>>>> Picture? (Building, not you.)
>>>>>> Ironically, the building is a metaphor for a woman.
>>>>> Picture?
>>>> It might be nice, if only for historical reference.
>>>>
>>>> How do we choose that which we love, assuming we do?
>>> It starts with a spark and then its fanned into an inferno that gradually
>>> winds down to a slow burn.
>> Ideally I suppose.
>>
>>>> And in that regard, can the heart do battle with the mind and
>>>> vice-versa?
>>> My dad told me long ago that people should not get married when they are
>>> in love because they are insane at that time.
>>
>> Oddly enough, that seems to make sense, especially if we assume that it
>> isn't really love, just insanity. ;D
>> Do you think love conquers all?
>
> I think a persons attitude about it can change over time and according to
> circumstances.
> One thing I'll mention, having been with my wife for so long now, my view
> cannot be similar to yours.
> Another thing, and I remember it well, the years of being distracted by the
> challenge of *finding someone* way back when before I found her.
What/Who were you looking for, what were the strategies involved, and
was it different from what it would be now if you were single again, and
how would it be if so? IOW, can, say, your concepts of, and capacities
for love, evolve along with your age and experience, and would the
results and the resulting person chosen be different? And who chooses who?
> In the long view, yes, love can conquer all and its a supreme example of *2
> heads are better than one*.
Makes sense.
> I mean, would it conquer marriage and the intricacies of living together?
>
> I no longer associate marriage with love.
> If I knew then what I know now my wife and I would never have married.
> We would, instead, have formed a corporation, a legal body disassociated
> from our *feelings*.
That's an interesting take and seems to have some relevance to my above
questions.
> We came very close to calling it quits one time, lawyers were hired.
> Its a crime the way the legal body takes a union based in feelings and
> converts it to dollar signs right before your eyes.
> Like watching everything you believed to be real dissolved in real time and
> there's nothing you can do about it.
> Freefalling.
Traumatic.
>>> Looking at the dismal record on marriages of late I'm inclined to agree.
>>> In the movie Shenandoah,
Just got it and will be viewing it shortly.
>>> Jimmie Stewart told a young man that he should become friends with his
intended before falling in love with her.
>>
>> Sounds like the head talking... What if it's love at first sight?
>
> What you mean is *infatuation* at first sight, or *lust* at first sight.
> Love takes time, there is no way around it.
Understood, although I suppose that the time component might be
"adaptively re-usable"-- a love template.
> Unfortunately, some people don't learn this until they're waste deep in a
> situation and all sorts of ties that bind have to be severed, including
> kids.
For each successive generation, everything has to be
re-taught/learned... Everything's new again.
I wonder if it will ever be possible to upload knowledge or wisdom into
a brain.
> Can't speak for others but in my hindsite I was strongly attracted
> physically to my wife.
> Qucikly I started to learn about the person inside.
> I was hungry, in all ways, but very stupid, er, naive.
> No one should get permanently attached to another until they are 30 years
> old and after they have known the person for more than a year.
> Just my opinion.
Better safe than sorry I suppose, but the above seems all part of life
anyway, part of the experience of learning and making mistakes along the
way.
If regret is part and parcel of that, where flops are rites-of-passage,
then maybe there shouldn't be any regret.
> Anyone can sail through the good times with a smile on their face but its
> the rough times that builds mettle and apparently its during those times
> that many people throw in the towel.
> When the going gets tough the tough get going.
It looks that way... Many people seem too scared to ask, say, know, or
experience.
> You know how when you're walking down an aisle in a busy mall for example
> and someone is walking toward you and you realize that if *you* don't move
> to the side a little that person will run into you?
> Daily I see things like that in our marriage, where I have to step aside
> slightly and let her pass.
> I'm sure my wife does that with me too, but I'm unaware of it.
> We can try to see things through other's eyes but we can't live inside their
> life and there's a difference.
>
>>> He said he was married to his wife, his best friend, for several years
>>> before he realized he was in love with her.
>>
>> I'm beginning to think that there might be something to that-- the idea
>> that one can be in love, but not realize it, say until something changes
>> that suddenly confronts the issue.
>
> For me it the idea that being away from my wife is worse than being with
> her.
> If she left me today I would still be very much concerned for her welfare in
> that she'd probably have to get a restraining order on me.
> I hate being that way, but I think thats how I'd be.
> Maybe I'm wrong.
>
> Think of it as a jigsaw puzzle.
> In the beginning we were 2 pieces that fit very well and over the years we
> kept adding pieces to where today we are a 10,000 piece puzzle and all the
> pieces fit tightly.
Should I be so lucky... Thanks for the thoughtful replies, BTW. I had a
rough week, but feel better.
> ----------------------------
>
> Like a million little doorways
> All the choices we made
> All the stages we passed through
> All the roles we played
>
> For so many different directions
> Our separate paths might have turned
> With every door that we opened
> Every bridge that we burned
>
> Somehow we find each other
> Through all that masquerade
> Somehow we found each other
> Somehow we have stayed
> In a state of grace
>
> I don't believe in destiny
> Or the guiding hand of fate
> I don't believe in forever
> Or love as a mystical state
> I don't believe in the stars or the planets
> Or angels watching from above
> But I believe there's a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love
> And make it last...
>
> Like a million little crossroads
> Through the back streets of youth
> Each time we turn a new corner
> A tiny moment of truth
>
> For so many different connections
> Our separate paths might have made
> With every door that we opened
> Every game we played
>
> Somehow we find each other
> Through all that masquerade
> Somehow we found each other
> Somehow we have stayed
> In a state of grace
>
> I don't believe in destiny
> Or the guiding hand of fate
> I don't believe in forever
> Or love as a mystical state
> I don't believe in the stars or the planets
> Or angels watching from above
> But I believe there's a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love
> And make it last...
> http://tinyurl.com/yrnogx
Ah yes, Rush (I assume)... Good production, sound, and a decent tune.
...A ghost of a chance ay?
(flips coin)
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