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Posted by Anonymous on July 25, 2008, 11:49 am
> 1. When it's 105 out and I've just come out of your attic please
> do not offer me anything to drink. Us heating and air techs have a
> special gene that lets us recycle our sweat when licked of off our
> bodies in a timely manner. Heat stroke is a Zen experience!
> 2. By all means tell me that you want to pay my after hours fee
> and then wait till I'm five minutes from your house and call and
> cancel. We have a special deal with the gas companies where we only
> pay half price.
> 3. When I tell you that a part costs x dollars, please exclaim as
> loud as you can "For that!" There are no overhead costs associated
> with running our business, that's why it's called HVAC. You know,
> heating, ventilating and charity.
> 4. When I tell you the price for a new system, please tell me how
> Joe down the street just got one for half that price. I'm just
> curious, did Joe get the Ford model or the Mercedes model or did
> BillyBobs heating, ventilating and charity install said system?
> 5. When I tell you the price of a new system, please tell me how
> you can get one off of that internet thingy for half price. Those
> internet models install and warranty themselves I heard.
> 6. When I tell you the price of a new system, please tell me that
> you want to get a quote from 10 other companies and make a decision
> five years from now. Our business is inflation proof.
> 7. When I show you the problem with your system and you're
> standing right there, please tell me you want to call 5 more companies
> for a second opinion. All these certifications we have mean absolutely
> bubkis.
> 8. When I ask you who put your system in and you tell me a friend
> of a friend so your cheap ass could save money, please get mad as hell
> when I tell you that that's what happens when you hire hacks. Oh wait,
> that's right, you hired BillyBobs heating, ventilating and charity. So
> sorry I insulted you, my bad.
> 9. When I disable your system because your heat exchanger is
> cracked, please go completely off and tell me what a crook I am. If I
> don't hear what a crook I am at least once a day I start getting a
> complex. Besides, I heard that a little carbon monoxide, in moderation
> of course, is a Zen experience.
> 10. When I have you scheduled for 10:00 and you are not there,
> please expect me to wait an hour while you do whatever it is you have
> to do. You are the only customer I have that day and I have nothing
> better to do anyway.
> 11. When you see my van driving down the road, please do
> everything you can to impede my progress. We all attended the Skip
> Barber racing school and you are helping us keep our driving skills up
> to par without having to go back and pay that damn racing school for a
> refresher course each year.
> 12. Please answer your door in the most revealing clothing you
> have and then offer to pay for the service call by "unconventional"
> means. Hey, all of us have screwed up marriages anyway, we only
> married our wives out of charity.
> 13. Please argue with me about how much the office said the
> service charge would be. I've only worked for said company four years
> anyway, what the hell do I know.
> 14. When I am looking at your system, please have your engineer
> neighbor there so he can make suggestions every 2.5 seconds. After
> all, all of these certifications we have, well, we had to eat a lot of
> cracker jacks to get them.
> 15. After I have just fixed your system, please fiddle with the
> thermostat and turn it off. It's ok because we all have ESP and will
> know that you just turned the thermostat off. Besides, I really didn't
> want to give you the "complete system evaluation" that you're paying
> for anyway.
> 16. When I tell you that your system is low on refrigerant and
> will need 5 lbs, please ask me to add only two pounds so you can save
> some money. You have a special system that will cool without the
> required amount of refrigerant, all I have to do is throw the kaniflin
> valve counter clockwise and this will allow the system to run
> correctly and as an added bonus will seal the leak wherever it is.
> 17. When I tell you that your duct work is improperly sized,
> please ask me why someone would do that. I can surely answer that
> question because as I said earlier, we all have ESP.
> 18. When I ask you to explain what your system is doing or not
> doing, please start out with "it was working yesterday" with the tone
> in your voice like you expected it to ring you up and let you know
> that at exactly 5:04 tomorrow it's going to croak.
> 19. Please do everything you can to get me to warranty something
> that is not covered under your warranty. Remember, I am running a
> charity, not a business.
> 20. When I am diagnosing why your new system does not heat or cool
> properly, please start out with "well the salesman said." That's why
> they are called salesmen!
I enjoyed that, from a customer perspective.
"offer to pay for the service call by "unconventional means."
Would that really happen?
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