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Posted by John Grabowski on May 15, 2008, 5:12 pm
> On Thu, 15 May 2008 12:43:42 -0700 (PDT), cajunpaisley
>
>>I am a carpenter. Not a contractor. I've offered to help a friend re-
>>do her living room floors and kitchen. I have a knack for making
>>things look nice without spending a lot of money..I have a good nose
>>for bargains, a good eye for detail, etc. Rewiring that had to be
>>done, to accommodate new fixtures, new fan and a dimmer switch
>>replacement were all done by a licensed electrician.
>>I am dealing with my friend mostly, but lately the husband has gotten
>>involved in the process. The living room floors are done, they are a
>>good brand laminate. Installed and baseboards, shoe are coped and in
>>place. Now to the kitchen. No decision has been made on tile or
>>countertop materials...First the theme was to be "neutral", then not
>>to spend too much money, then they looked at all their friends and
>>family's stuff and made a sort of decision...only to waffle on design,
>>product, you name it. (remember, I am doing this free, so money or
>>pay is not the issue) The wife's usual comment has been "you have
>>good taste, just do something and i'll like it". Now the husband has
>>stuck his nose in it...and has NO clue what he wants, but pontificates
>>forever about what he thinks he wants. He nitpicks every decision, is
>>hard to engage as to "friendliness" and at the end of each twice or
>>thrice daily dissertation..he says "well, it don't matter to me
>>anyway". But then five minutes later, here he starts up with the
>>nitpicking (he knows nothing about carpentry) I don't ever dispute
>>color, as we all have different tastes. The end of this project is a
>>custom bar, but the bar is going to be the last thing to be done. And
>>because it will depend on some of the choices that they make...my
>>specialty is custom wood pieces..all unique, and quality sturdy usable
>>functional bartops. The husband has never been to my house, which is
>>a showcase of what I do, I've asked the wife to bring him...oh well.
>>Not that I want their house to look like mine, just to show them i
>>have a sense of good quality..
>>I am getting quite frustrated..as I don't have time to dick around
>>with them forever, I offered to help them, but not to babysit while
>>they nailed one foot to the floor. I've told them ideas, where to
>>shop, the necessary steps to achieve the look they want. (of course
>>they want it all rock bottom, but that takes some thinking and
>>planning, anyone can have a great looking kitchen if you spend a lot
>>of money)
>>My question to the group, what would you do? I do not want hard
>>feelings, as we are friends. This is the first time I've ever worked
>>with them. And what would I say?
>>My big problem is with the husband. I just for the life of me, cannot
>>engage him, it is just superficial babbling that I get from him...my
>>husband says he is just using his "game face". Game face for what?
>>The wife tells me one thing when it's just she and i, but when she's
>>around her husband, she parrots him.
>>Perry
>
> Hi Perry,
>
> Sounds like a no-win situation and I would try to back out gracefully
> now before the plot thickens; these sorts of things don't normally get
> better, only worse, and unless you enjoy the constant stress and
> abuse, you really need to blow Dodge. Be honest and respectful and
> tell them you value their friendship and that you're worried working
> with them might might put that at risk. Hopefully they'll be
> flattered and you'll be able to escape without causing any hard
> feelings. Good luck!
>
> Cheers,
> Paul
I agree with Paul. It sounds like a no-win situation. I think that you
should step back from the project and let everyone take a breather. Maybe
they are not happy with your work, your taste, your pay, or something else,
but because of the friendship cannot come right out and say it. Maybe
they're just idiots who have no idea what is involved in the remodeling
process. If everything that you posted is true it sounds as though they
have a gem of a carpenter. Tell them you have other projects that you need
to tend to and when they are truly ready you will be happy to do the work if
they want. That will give them an out and they can see for themselves what
it is like to try and hire good people to do good work if they decide to
look elsewhere.
PS: You probably should start charging for consultations on all of your jobs
or raise your rates to cover your time spent in the planning stage.
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