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Posted by perrylep on May 15, 2008, 6:12 pm
Suspicious, how?
I'm a woman, so what would he be suspicious of?
I don't think that's it. I think the husband is just a nitpicker by habit,
just for the sport of it. Being in someone's house for a couple of weeks
working, you see the inner workings of the "couple" dynamics..I've been in
houses where there is good karma and things go smooth. I've been in houses,
that seemingly look like Mayberry RFD and it's hellish...
I usually try to *train* my clients, because I almost get called back for
more work, and once they know the ropes..decision making, linear thinking,
etc..they feel like they have a hand in the process. All my usual and
customary teachings have gone unheeded in this case. They are friends and
what I offered was to "help" the wife do the work herself. She's energetic
and is a motivated worker. But cannot, cannot make a decision, so comes to
ask me "what do I think?". I tell her, a couple of suggestions...then she
analyzes to death her possible decision. At first she wanted to be a
"neutral, and have nothing bold"..and of course, inexpensive. But now
because I'm not charging for labor, the budget has tripled for the kitchen
floor.
The husband, I almost had to wrestle, because he wanted to take out a load
bearing member. We cut a 30 sq ft hole in the wall between the kitchen and
tv room and he claims the remaining load bearing members are "a blind spot".
Duh...what about the big hole where there was none?
I am away from there for a couple of days, so I will use my time to think of
a way to detach, dis-entangle and not encourage further decision
debacles...but I will hopefully finish the work, and hopefully, my goal was
the woman to feel good about doing a lot of it herself, hands on, with some
guidance...what the man thinks, I could care less.
Perry
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Posted by Oren on May 15, 2008, 10:00 pm
On Thu, 15 May 2008 17:12:32 -0500, "perrylep"
>I am away from there for a couple of days, so I will use my time to think of
>a way to detach, dis-entangle and not encourage further decision
>debacles...but I will hopefully finish the work, and hopefully, my goal was
>the woman to feel good about doing a lot of it herself, hands on, with some
>guidance...what the man thinks, I could care less.
Invite the couple to your home for dinner. That's your turf. When I
deal with difficult people I prefer to be in my "lions den" / turf.
They seem to be more open minded and to listen. You could even meet in
public, so you can tell them your exact feelings and thoughts. In
public they are less likely to "go off" and make a scene.
When you are in their home, you become the timid one so to speak.
I think it would be best to have "sit down talk" and tell them exactly
what you've said here in the group.
You will have a better chance of getting things across on your turf.
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Posted by on May 15, 2008, 6:11 pm
On Thu, 15 May 2008 12:43:42 -0700 (PDT), cajunpaisley
>I am a carpenter. Not a contractor.
Precisely. Tell them that. They design it,
they choose materials and styles, you build it when
those decisions are made. Until then, you have other work
that you must focus on.
All you have to sell is your time and your skill -- do not give them
away, do not sell them cheaply.
I am a contractor, not a carpenter.
The hardest lesson I've learned is that if you try to help
people, be a "nice guy", they will burn you every time.
The less you charge, the more you do, the less you'll be
respected and appreciated. No good deed goes unpunished,
as someone here said.
I do not work for friends, relatives, neighbours. Period.
I do not cut prices for anyone. Period.
I do not "rush" projects for anyone. Period.
That explains why I'm a happy guy who loves his work. Also
explains whyt 98 percent of my clients are happy people who love my
work.
Last thought -- my trades occasionally work on my house or
properties. I pay them full wages. It's a matter of respect.
Ken
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Posted by on May 16, 2008, 7:16 pm
My suggestion is to set up a reasonable time line for the remaining
work. Sit down with the husband and wife and explain that due to your
family obligations you need to finish the project by a given date.
Explain after that, you will not be available and that they will need
to hire someone to finish the job. This gives them an incentive to
make the necessary decisions in a timely fashion and gives you a out
hopefully without hurting the relationship. The hard part is to call
it quits when you reach your drop dead date. You must be firm. They
should understand that you have a life too.
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Posted by on May 16, 2008, 7:25 pm
My suggestion is to set up a reasonable time line for the remaining
work. Sit down with the husband and wife and explain that due to your
family obligations you need to finish the project by a given date.
Explain after that, you will not be available and that they will need
to hire someone to finish the job. This gives them an incentive to
make the necessary decisions in a timely fashion and gives you a out
hopefully without hurting the relationship. The hard part is to call
it quits when you reach your drop dead date. You must be firm. They
should understand that you have a life too.
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